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I ordered my bumper sticker from Planet Doom today and I will proudly display it when it arrives. 


Yes, I’m going to exercise my right to choose none of the above. I believe this will be the first Presidential election I’ve skipped since I began voting. 

My parents (and most of my family, except for my dear, rebel Aunt, God rest her soul) were lifelong Republicans. When it was time for me to register to vote almost 40 years ago, I went that route, too. It’s the reason why for many years country music struck a chord (no pun intended) with me. It was traditional and patriotic. 

I’ve been married nearly 27 years to the same man I fell in love with at age 29. We’ve had a good life together. We both work hard, and we’ve raised two handsome and caring young men. I might have tattoos and prefer to listen to loud, metal music these days, but underneath it all, beats a traditional, conservative heart. 

I’ve always voted Republican. It’s just something I do. I know my vote doesn’t count for squat. A coworker, who is a staunch Democrat, and I used to joke all the time that we had to go cancel each other’s votes out. 

I can’t bring myself to even go do that this year. The choices both parties have given us are appalling. Simply appalling. 

Do I vote for my party’s choice – the pompous, narcissistic douchebag who says horrific things about women? The one who shoots off his big mouth because he’s just a big bag of wind who likes to hear himself talk? He knows nothing about government or running a country. Even his businesses are failing. His wife, Melanoma, is a joke, too. (Yes, I know that’s not really her name). I can’t in good conscience vote for theDonald, that scumbag.  

Or do I vote for the Benghazi Butcher? The evil bitch who swore she wasn’t going to be just like Tammy Wynette, some little woman standing by her man. Yet that is exactly what she did. She stuck with that lying, philandering train wreck of a man that we had the misfortune to have as President. Why? To further her own ambitions. No other reason. She’s lied and tried to silence enough people along the way that she can’t be trusted to run a country either. No, I cannot vote for that nasty, awful woman either. 

So what choice does that leave me? Don’t say there are two other candidates. Neither one has a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning. A vote for either one is just a waste of time. I’d rather stay home. 

No, this year I will exercise my right to apathy. I choose none of the above. When things blow up on us, and I pray that they don’t, at least it won’t be my fault. God, help us all.