Longing for the Good Old Days

There must be something wrong with me. Or I might be an anti-feminist. I feel zero excitement about our first female leader (Vice President elect). It isn’t because she’s a Democrat, and I was raised a Republican. I ask myself if Sarah Palin (or some other Republican female) had made it, would I feel differently, and the answer is no. Just a solid, unequivocal NO.

I never aspired to have a career or work outside my home. I was raised by an insecure, shy 1940’s-1950’s housewife who never wanted to work outside the home. My mother was there every day when I got up and there every day when I got home from school. She baked. She cleaned. She made a happy home warm and welcoming. She had a hot dinner on the table when Dad got home every night. She and Dad were married 41 years when he died. I always wanted what she had.

My reality was far different from hers. I’ve held full time employment since I was 19. I fell in love and married at 30. I’ve been married almost 31 years. I worked through two pregnancies and went back to work when my sons were both just six weeks old. Was I happy to go? No, I cried because I had to. I’ve been working for forty-two freaking LONG years.

I always blamed the feminist women for wanting to work for spoiling my dream of just being home. Burning their bras, protesting and carrying on. Intellectually, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew inflation and an increased cost of living necessitated my having to work full-time. And, no, we don’t live lavishly. We have a 1,000 square foot house built in the 1960’s. We drive used cars. We have debt just like most people.

I always felt that I was born at the wrong time. A job is just a paycheck for me. Never anything more. Do I like what I do? Most days. Would I walk away from it if I could? In a heartbeat.

I’m not a feminist. I have no daughters, and I’m glad. I would have made a terrible mother of daughter(s). I just don’t have it in me.

So was I devastated when RBG died? No. Am I excited that Harris is VP? No.

Sorry. I’m just not.

Image courtesy of Pinterest

True Love

Weird clouds in the sky on June 27 on one of our rare nights out for a ride/date. My Ford Edge with the bass clef sticker in the window.

I was uploading old photos a few nights later. We’ve changed a bit in 32 years together.

Here’s one of our first dates. An old photo booth at Seabreeze Amusement park in 1988.

Three years later at our niece’s wedding.

His Ford Escort GT and my Pontiac Firebird at our old apartment. I miss that car.

Christmas 1993, the first one in our house.

Must be true love.

I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather grow old with.

Adventures in Blogging

Apologies if my website and blogging have seemed a little haphazard lately. I walked away from blogging earlier in the year. Chase, our diabetic kitty got sick.

I don’t regret working from home during the covid panic because I got to spend his last few months here with him. If I had been at work, I wouldn’t have had that time with him. We had a really big scare with him where his blood sugar was down to 38. I had to rush him to the emergency vet. The next week we’d go to our regular vet and hear the awful words “there’s a mass”. We heard that just over a year ago with Ginger, then this year it happened with Chase.

I was so distraught after we said goodbye to him that I had no desire to write or post. I was deeply saddened to see that fellow bloggers had also lost pets while I was away. I have to give you all kudos. I don’t know how you kept positing. I just couldn’t do it.

Four months passed, and when I finally felt like I could post something again, it was to discover that everything was now under the dreaded block editor. My first post was a disaster. I worked hard on it, and I thought I had selected classic editor only to find that my post was an empty one. NO text anywhere to be seen. I think I re-did that post two or three times.

Then I decided I wanted a fresh start. I cleaned up my header and decided to go with a new theme and a logo only. Several posts in, I found out the (useless) theme I had chosen had no option for reader’s comments.

Another re-think and re-design this morning, and I now think I’m where I want to be. I edited my header to use an actual image of my husband’s truck. I also wanted to add my bass guitar since that is also a big part of who I am now.

This post is primarily a test post. I’m hoping it doesn’t come out blank, and I’m hoping this new theme includes a comments button. Please? (fingers crossed).

It’s good to be back.

#Staysafe

Things are getting to me today. My hubby listened to me rant. I thought I’d share some of my thoughts and frustrations here.

Like everyone else, I’m stuck at home. I have been here since March 16. I have asthma, and I’m 61. My doctor wrote a letter recommending I stay home because of my “co-morbidities”. My employer sent most everyone home to work remotely not long after that. Sadly, they laid off some others.

I’m glad I still have a job. I do miss my nice desk and its great setup. I am thankful that I am slammed with work, whether I’m at work in my nice office building or sitting in my pjs in my dining room. I am working daily from 8:30 to 5:00 using a tiny Chromebook with a 6” x 10” screen. I’m going to need a new glasses prescription when this is over!

I miss my coworkers. I miss the camaraderie with people of a like mind. Communication by text and email is difficult. Not being able to see someone’s face or hear the inflections in their voice leads to misassumptions and confusion. I also want to water my plants! I have several on my desk. I had our mailroom staff take care of them last week, but I hate to impose on them.

I am grateful for full tummies and enough cash to buy what we need. I miss being able to freely go to the store and buy my own stuff off of full shelves. I’m grateful for Instacart shoppers, but I miss making my own choices and deciding on my own replacements. I hate either waiting to pick things up or meeting a stranger at my front door to collect my deliveries while staying six feet apart. Everything ordered on line also costs more.

I am lucky to have the distraction of music and a flexible and helpful teacher. I do miss going to my guitar teacher’s house for my lesson where I can see and hear her while I play my bass and sing. We’ve been doing lessons on FaceTime. It’s been interesting. I’m now a vocal student, too, and I feel silly doing some of the vocal exercises where my family can overhear me. There is often a delay interacting electronically. When we play music together, the sound often cuts out, and I have to guess where we are in the song. I miss the feedback and the joy I get in playing together in person.

I wish I could keep all of us here safe and isolated. My 62 year old hubby broke his elbow at the end of February and was on worker’s compensation for a month. When the pandemic began, he was still here at home. I wasn’t as afraid with him here with me everyday. As a truck driver, he is an essential worker and much in demand. His employer couldn’t wait for him to return from disability leave. He got a verbal release from his doctor, and he jumped right back in two weeks ago, and within days he was sent right into New York City with deliveries.

My 29 year old son is also an essential worker. He works at a metal fabrication shop, and among other things, they finish parts for medical equipment. He is a type 1 diabetic, and he has gone out to work every day into this scary world we’re living in.

I’m grateful we’ve been healthy. Hubby came down with a cold his first week back at work, and he called our doctor. He wasn’t running a fever so they didn’t think he had the virus. He came home briefly today for just a few minutes. I hadn’t seen him since March 29th. He stayed out because he was needed, and because he didn’t want to give me his cold. I hate these times when all I want is for my husband to be able to be here and hold me without fear of getting me sick.

I’m a homebody, and I’m scared I’m going to be so used to being HERE that the first time out for a whole day is going to be just as traumatic as the first day of school all over again.

I stopped checking the statistics and reading the sad news stories several weeks ago. I couldn’t handle it. As an upstate New York State resident with a trucker husband who makes regular deliveries downstate in New York City, it was just too much. We’ve been lucky and fortunate, and I’m grateful.

Yes, things are getting to me as I suspect they are to everyone else, and I’m sorry for the long-winded, whiny rant. Please God, keep everyone safe and get us through this.