I’m truly blessed. I’ve been warmly welcomed back at work by the great group of folks I work with and for. The kindness of my coworkers has made my return after missing eight days of work so much easier than it could have been. I really appreciate the monumental efforts put forth to cover my workload while I was out. I also appreciate all the personal welcomes and expressions of solicitude I’ve received since I walked back in the door. They always call themselves a “family” at my workplace, and I saw it for real for myself this week. You guys rock.
Blogging life for me began in June 2012 (almost five years ago). WordPress informed me on Friday that I registered with them four years ago. I was two-thirds of the way through my first college degree. I’d had some success with college level writing, and I was nearly finished with a web design degree. At the time I not only felt like I had something to say (after more than fifty years of living), but I also felt creative and clever. I was struggling to adjust to life with my husband out on the road for five to six days of each week. My hubby and a dear friend both suggested I blog.
My hubby had been using Blogger for his blog so I started out on that platform. Blogger felt way too isolated for me. Blogger may have changed since then, but at the time there was no sense of community. There was no “Reader” like there is in WordPress where you could see other people’s posts. Maybe I was just too new at blogging in general, but I posted and never got any feedback from others. There were no blogs that I followed or people that followed me. I didn’t get any emails to alert me that others had posted. I was posting into a total void or vacuum. It was a miracle that I stuck with it, but I found freedom in being able to express my thoughts and ideas and put them out there for others to see. Of course I know now that had I linked my blog to Twitter or Facebook, I probably would’ve had more feedback. I was so new at it, I was clueless.
Since I felt like I was wasting my time on Blogger as I neared the end of my first year blogging I began to look for other platforms. I don’t remember now exactly how I found WordPress, but I did, and I’m glad. The switch to WordPress was the right thing to do. Had I stuck with Blogger, I would’ve quit. With WordPress, even on the days when I don’t feel like posting or have nothing new to say, there are friends I follow who always have something to say, and I can comment on their posts instead.
Thank you, WordPress. Thank you for forcing this shy woman to come out of her shell just a bit further. Thank you for the laughs, and the experiences. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m always amused and touched by the words of others. I’ve found friendships that have enriched my life. I wouldn’t change a thing about any of it. I don’t blog to be wildly successful or to make money. I blog because this is me and this is my voice, and the kindness of others takes away a bit of the loneliness while my trucker hubby is out on the road.
I said hello the other day to a new employee in our work break room, calling her by name, and from the look she gave me, I could tell she didn’t remember my name. I wondered as I walked away if she were to ask another employee to refresh her memory as to my name, how would she describe me?
I’d like to think she’d say, ‘the tall blonde with the tattoos’, but I can’t be certain. I did have one of the older partners at the firm call me “Shirley” for a few weeks a while back. Maybe I looked like a Shirley at that time. I suppose it could have been worse. I didn’t have the heart to correct him because he’s such a nice man. He eventually figured it out.
I used to be known as the quiet one because I was painfully self-conscious in social situations. I spent most of my time observing others talking, rehearsing in my head possible comments I could make. I usually ended up saying nothing because by the time I came up with something witty, the topic had changed.
Back in High School, I used to be one of the funny ones. I enjoyed the heck out of a good laugh, and I got in trouble more than once for horsing around with my friends. I hung out with a bunch of girls who were always cracking wise and laughing. Outside of school, my cousin and I spent hours laughing ourselves silly.
For several years I was known as someone’s mother. I’m still someone’s (actually two someone’s) mother, but that’s not my primary function any longer. I would attend school meetings, and I’d hear, ‘this is Matt’s Mom’ or ‘Alex’s Mom’. I was proud to be their mother, but I used to cringe internally sometimes when I heard me introducing myself as, ‘Matt or Alex’s Mom’, as if I didn’t have a name of my own!
I spent several years being the invisible one. I’d go to the grocery store or shopping, and I’d get shoved aside by pushier people. In my younger years, hubby tells me I turned heads so at that point in time I must have been the attractive one. I was only vaguely aware of that sort of reaction.
Within the past few years, I’ve begun to feel a lot better about myself, and I’m becoming the confident one. I walk with more pride. I think that some of it comes with age. I don’t have to apologize or stand meekly by and wait for someone to politely invite me to go first. I go anyway. Let them think I’m a crazy, old lady. I don’t much care any longer. Obviously, I don’t shove people out of the way, but I don’t meekly let others walk all over me any longer.
How do people really see me? I’m no longer invisible. I think I stand out in a crowd. Hard not to when I’m usually a head taller than everyone around me, especially on elevators. Yep, that’s me. The tall blonde with the tattoos. And, don’t call me Shirley.
